Wedding shows = shit fest. Hence why I am completely and utterly aggravated after watching them. I really don't have problems with weddings themselves. They're great. There's booze, celebration, those neat mints that melt in your mouth, and single people realizing they're not amounting to much in their family's eyes. I really only have beef with what weddings lead to: marriage. I guess it's finally time for me to admit that no, I do not want to commit my life to another human being. I could totally accept bonding myself to a dog, or a really comfortable beanbag chair, but not another person for the rest of my years. I could never see myself being married to a human being, let alone a male, and having a long, healthy, and nonviolent life together.

As I sat stewing in my dislike for the cable providers choice of shows , along with the creepy bond that is marriage, I realized something. A husband may be a beneficial thing. Now I say beneficial, and not enjoyable, because I foresee a lot of downsides in a husband as well. But, trying to be an optimist, I put together a list of why I should go Pro-Marriage.

Let's be a Wife List:

1. I don't know...maybe we'd fall in love?

2. I could talk to my Preacher about sex, without having that sinful feeling, which is really similar to diarrhea.

3. Well for that matter, sex in general.

4. Maybe we'd get a vegetable steamer as a wedding shower gift. Then I could make veggies, and we could be one of those healthy modern couples.

5. Maybe we'd get an industrial sized can of liquid cheese as a wedding shower gift. Then I could secretly pour it over my veggies, while still making husband eat healthy in order to take advantage of his body.

6. Sex

7. I never really enjoyed trivial tasks like turning off the light when getting ready for bed, fetching a diet soda from the fridge, mowing the lawn, and showering. Husband could do that all for me. People in love do that stuff.

8. Sex

9. I don't have to go to the movies, baseball games, arcades, stores, rollerblading, bike riding, fake car shopping, to the hookah bar, fake pet shopping, or out to eat by myself anymore. It's been a lonely past few years.

10. I'd finally have a changed relationship status on facebook.

I don't know. This has been a very ranty post so I tried to end it on a positive note. I guess I'm off to flipping through channels again.