Danger!Fire!

Being a business major, it's required I take ISOM135 ( an information systems class). If you've not taken this class, I'll let you in on a little secret : it's disgustingly boring. An hour and fifteen minutes of hiding behind unresponsive computer screens and feeling your eyes literally glaze over, slowly turning into small glassed pieces of candy.

I know myself. I know I am inpatient and sarcastic, which is why my professor may be the hindering point of my classroom experience. He draws out his lectures like a funeral march with a few too many measures. He also has a habit of asking rhetorical questions which is like enabling the smart-ass I can sometimes be. My usual class routine is to sit in front of my notebook, doodling, copying the PowerPoint slides, and slightly paying attention to what the class is being told, but today was different.

He said something that struck me. Something I related to more than I feel like I should have.

"You will spend almost your entire life putting out fires."

Plain and simple. He was referring to us all one day being put in a managerial position, but mistakenly that's not the way it registered with me.

I have spent my whole life putting out fires; extinguishing problems and smothering the embers of confrontation before they inflame. I'm not sure if it's because of the way I grew up, or the household and housemates I was attached to? It could be a natural response of mine, or I could just have a really warped personality. I'm still trying to figure out this self-realization. One thing I was kind of, sort of, pretty positive about was that I wanted to change this aspect of me. Now please don't get me wrong. In no way do I want to become this disputing monster, that seeks for a battle in every encounter, but I'd like to not be afraid if it does happen.

Everyday when I wake up I want to choose life. Life with all it's imperfections and arguments. I'd like to throw away the timid girl I rely on for safety, and have the bravery to be curious. Curious enough to investigate things and people alike. Today I have realized that I've held myself back from so many answers for fear of asking the wrong questions. What's a slip of the tongue to a slip of the mind? I will not spend my entire life putting out these figurative fires. As I thought about my new motto, I was reminded of the representation of the Phoenix, who burns up in flames, but then dauntlessly rises from the ashes. Life should mimic that you know? No apprehension to challenge the norm or what you're leery of. If a theoretical fire of dispute or problems flares up, just know that you will most definitely rise from the ashes with something gained. The wager may be high, but you will walk away with a prise of experience, education, and satisfaction.

I realize this blog may not be relevant to many, but it struck a chord with me. I felt I needed to write this insight down. Make it more permanent than maybe just a new years goal jotted down in my head.